Happy Wedding Season!
As everyone knows, summer months are the most popular
wedding months. With so many weddings on the horizon, I thought I would post a
few things I either wish I had known going into my wedding, or things that were
so important, I couldn’t miss mentioning them in a blog post on weddings. Some
of these are things that we did really well, and some of these are things I
wish might have gone differently.
Also, I’ve listed things in order of importance. I made a list of things I wanted to include and then I ordered them from most important
to least important.
1. Be the kind of spouse you want to marry.
This is sort of an obvious statement. It’s really something
you should begin abiding by when you’re single and carry out for the rest of
your life. During wedding planning, it’s unfair to expect your groom to be
calm, gentile, and joyful and then act like a frazzled, stressed-out mess! If
you expect it from your partner, you should be doing it yourself! Listen to
each other, talk to each other, be patient with each other, and continue to
grow your friendship and not just your love life.
I am tempted to talk about the importance of not stressing
out right here, but it deserves its own section. See #3 for this one.
2. Recognize that your wedding is gratitude to
those who have helped shape you into the person you are.
I mentioned this in my last post, but this was a big
realization while I was planning my wedding. It also came into play when I was
building our guest list and picking my bridesmaids. Regardless of your budget,
it’s hard to invite absolutely everyone that is important and means something
to you. As I thought about who we would be inviting, I realized that the people
I was inviting were people who really meant something to me, had inspired me to
be a better person, had taught me an important lesson, had been there for me
through thick and thin, and those that I truly and deeply love.
The same goes for my bridesmaids. For me, these were the cream-of-the-crop ladies in my life. Looking back on it now, each bridesmaid
represented a different part of my life, and my friendship with that particular
girl was one of the best parts of that piece of life. Each and every girl I
chose is someone I love and whose friendship has meant the world to me.
3. Be calm and peaceful.
“Oh! You’re planning your wedding? Wow! Aren’t you
stressed?!” I hate that question with the passion of a thousand burning
suns. Okay…that’s a bit dramatic, but there is absolutely no reason to get
stressed while you’re planning your wedding. Yes, you are giving a big party,
yes, getting married is a big deal. However, ultimately, you get to marry the
person you love the most in the world in front of other people that you love
most in the world. With all that love, you should be the most peaceful you’ve
ever been! The notion that wedding planning and getting married are stressful
is absolutely 100% unnecessary.
Even on the day itself, if something goes wrong, stay calm!
Just remember: at the end of the day you’re #1 goal of getting married will be
done! I remember getting my hair done on my wedding day, and after my hair was
finished, I went to another part of the salon to check on a bridesmaid who was
getting her hair done. The hairdresser doing my bridesmaid’s hair asked, “So,
how do you know the bride?” “Oh…I am the bride.” The hairdresser was shocked at
how calm I was. Again, stress on and surrounding your wedding is unnecessary.
And really and truly, there is no need to be a bridezilla. If you think there
is, read #1-3 again.
4. Make time for each other during the day
itself.
There are a lot of people to see during the wedding! Don’t
forget why you’re there and what you’re doing. Take pleasure in and savor the
moments that are just the two of you. There will be many memorable moments on
the day itself that you won’t want to forget, and you’ll want to soak it in and
make a permanent memory of them.
I think every couple probably has this, but my favorite from
my own day was just after Jake and I walked down the aisle. The moment we were
by ourselves, we looked at each other and had this brief moment of, “Oh my
gosh! We’re married!”
5. Don’t forget to eat.
I talked to a lot of already married friends while I was
wedding planning and one of the #1 things I heard was, “I forgot to eat! By the
time I got to the hotel at the end of the night, I was starving!” When I sat
down with my contact for our wedding venue (who was essentially our wedding planner), I
talked to him about this concern. There were two solutions he helped me come up
with that I’ve shared with almost everyone I know before they get married.
The first was having hors d’oeurves by ourselves. Between
pictures and going into the reception, Jake and I had a specified secret place
where we got a large sampling of what our guests were getting during the
mocktail hour (we didn’t serve alcohol) before the reception. This also took
care of #4 because we got plenty of time to connect and talk about the day,
tell each other fun things about getting ready and just cute moments that we’d
already had with our wedding party, our parents, our guests, etc.
During dinner, we spent a lot of that time going around and
talking to guests. Plus, there were toasts and dancing, and even on the part of the evening
where we were trying to sit there and eat, people want to come up and talk to
you. I was expecting that this would happen. Since the hotel where the reception was
held is also where we spent our wedding night, the hotel sent up two dinners of
our wedding food right down to two slices of our cake. Pardon my pun, but we
got to have our cake and eat it, too.
6. If you need and want to lose weight before the wedding, do it and be done with
it.
I worded this one carefully. There a plenty of people out
there who want to lose weight but don’t actually need to. If you don’t need to,
DON’T! Honestly, be grateful you don’t need to! There are also those who don’t
want to lose weight. I applaud you if you’re happy with your body the way it
is. So, if you don’t want to (even if societal standards say you need to),
don’t!
This is the first thing I’m listing that I didn’t do that I
wish I had. While I was pretty calm during wedding planning, there was one big
fat meltdown I had. It was a week before the wedding and the gorgeous dress I
had picked out in November (I got married in January) didn’t fit. I freaked
out, couldn’t believe I had let myself get out of control, and had a very
embarrassing meltdown in the dressing room at Nordstrom. The moment of sheer
panic, hatred for myself, and just plain embarrassment of that moment is not
something I would wish on my worst enemy (although, I don’t have those, anyway).
It was a terrible, awful feeling. Looking back now, I wish I had lost the
weight for myself, and just been done with it all before I got married.
7. Make sure your shoes are comfortable.
I wanted to be the perfect bride, and I was convinced the
perfect bride needed to wear beautiful, white, satin heels on her wedding day.
I bought a gorgeous pair that I thought I had broken in. Then my wedding day
came and by the end of the night, my feet were dying.
Since we got married, several people have asked, “What’s the
first thing you did when you got in the limo?” My answer is always, “I took my
shoes off.” I was so happy to get those suckers off my feet. Since my dress was
also hemmed exactly to my shoes, I couldn’t go barefoot. Believe me, I tried,
but I kept stepping on my dress (as did those around me!), so I had to put
them back on.
About a year and a half after I got married, one of my
friends got married and she wore pink Converse shoes under her dress. Because
of what I went through on my wedding day, I thought it was the most brilliant
plan I had ever heard.
I’m not saying you have to go all Father of the Bride and
wear tennis shoes (although you absolutely can and should if you want to), but
do make sure your tootsies are comfortable…or be prepared to deal with the
consequences.
8. Watch your veil.
Okay, this one is a really odd one to list in here. I’ve
never talked to another bride about this one, but it’s not something I thought
of and I wish I had known it on the day of the wedding.
I had a fabulous hairdresser for my wedding. My hair came
out exactly as I wanted. My hair had curls that were built into the most
gorgeous up-do I could have imagined. Plus, she built a place in my bun for me
to put my veil so that I could put it in and take it out easily. My hair was
held in place by 52 bobby pins (yes…I counted), and about half a can of
hairspray. My plan was to put the veil in when I got in my dress and then take it out
some time between post-ceremony pictures and the reception.
What I didn’t anticipate is that after the ceremony, people
began immediately coming up and hugging me. What no one (except me) knew was
that which each hug came a big tug that was slowly pulling my hair out of
place. I tried to take my veil out, but when I would lift up my hands to take
the veil out of my hair, another person would move in and give me a big hug. It
happened in a big rush and it happened before I could really do anything about
it. By the time I had to take pictures, my hair was a mess. I tried to piece it
back together, but it wasn’t the same. My incredible maid-of-honor even tried,
but it was really hard to try and piece it all back together when there had
been so much tugging it out.
Again, it’s a small detail, and you can’t really tell in
pictures, but just watch your veil. If you can take it out after the ceremony,
it’s worth it.
9. If you’re one of the few left who leave the
“first time” for your wedding night, don’t be nervous!
I hemmed and hawed over whether or not to list this last
one, but I felt it was important so I left it in. This is not meant to be
judgmental whether you decided to wait or not.
I am in favor of waiting, but if you didn’t – whether you
meant to and just couldn’t help yourself (understandable!) or you did your research and went ahead and did it on purpose or you think I’m an idiot for telling
people to wait, no big deal. If
you did, congratulations! You made it!
A few things: if you’re nervous, don’t be! Talk to your
partner if you are. It might be
magical the first time, but it might
not be. If it’s not, don’t worry. It will be. It’s certainly something you can
get good at if you’re not at first. The bottom line is that you love each
other, you’re committed to each other, and you’re celebrating your love for
each other in one of the best ways possible. Just remember to be patient with
yourself and your spouse.
Also, if you’re still in the dating world, if you’re
planning on waiting, don’t let anyone try and talk you out of it. Once, a
not-so-nice boy tried to tell me that waiting until marriage was overrated. I
told him if that were true, than sex must be overrated. Really, if it’s important to you, stick to your guns. If
you have the right motive for waiting, you won’t regret it.
I feel it’s also important to say that if you do wait, be
careful on being judgmental with those who choose not to (whatever their
reasons). It’s a touchy subject. There are many that didn’t wait and wish they
had. When you’re judgmental, you never know when you may tearing someone down
on something they already beat themselves up about.
That about sums it all up. For those of you that are getting
married soon, I wish you all the best! May your wedding day be the day you love
each other the least, but may you love each other more than you thought
possible on the day itself. Love to each and every one of you!
