Often when I get ready for work, I have some music playing.
I have various mixes that I’ve made through the years, but sometimes I just let
iTunes go on shuffle and let the magic happen on its own. I did the latter
earlier this week and the song that came on stopped me in my tracks. I was
taken back to the day the song came out and the very first time I heard it.
It was October of 2009. I had just transferred in to a new
college. At the time, I had an on-again/off-again boyfriend from the last
college I had attended. As of a few months before, we were off-again. On top of
it, the guy I had liked for over a month had just started dating my roommate.
Ouch.
I remember sitting in my room alone. These moments were rare
since I was in a triple that quarter. I sat there having a big pity party, convinced
I was never going to meet anyone. The dream and plan I had devised at age 4 of
finding “the one” in college was slowly crumbling away and I began to think
there wasn’t anyone for me. I thought I was supposed to find someone by
graduation, but that was a mere year and a half away. If I didn’t find him by
then, would I find him at all?
I knew what my friends, my parents, and anyone else who
heard this story would say.
“Why are you worried about that?”
“You’re so young!”
“No one even needs
to get married before 25, anyway.”
“Why are you in such a rush?”
All of these were things I had already heard. I knew in my
heart of hearts that this was not something I needed to worry about, but
somehow, the worry always seemed to stay.
I remember just trying to feel peaceful. I knew I needed to
stop the pity party. If I was supposed to find someone, I would.
But what if I didn’t?
What if I never dated anyone again?
What if I dated a lot, but it was obvious no one was for me?
What if…?
What iffff…?
What if…?
Clearly, my peaceful outlook was succeeding.
I began to try and distract myself. I opened up my computer
and clicked around on iTunes. I noticed the “Recommended for You” tab had a new
album in it. It was an artist I liked, so without listening to a single song, I
clicked the “download” button. The first track that finished downloading was a
promotional video of the album’s top song that had been out for a few weeks,
and I clicked on it as soon as it would let me watch the whole thing. As it
began to play and I listened to the words, my fear quickly and quietly washed
away.
As the song ended, I sat there stunned. How could a song be
exactly what I needed to hear at the exact time I needed to hear it?
I realized how many times I had liked or dated someone when
it was clear I was being lead somewhere else. As though someone were saying, “Nice
try, but…no. I said no. Did you hear me? I said no! Not him! NOT him! NOT HIM!”
Perhaps I needed to listen a little more and stick to my own
morals. It wasn’t really fair to me or the guys I was dating to try and shove a
square into a circle, was it?
I’m pretty sure I played the song at least 4 times before I
left the room. When I got back, I made a mix CD with my new favorite as the
first song. I promptly put it in my car so I could listen to it when I was running
errands, and I made sure it was loaded onto my iPod so I could listen to it
while I was working out.
Shortly after, my dad came to visit, and he got to hear the
song several times. After hearing it for the first time, he smiled and said,
“Well, that’s certainly a good song for you.”
The song was “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Buble.
The song turned out to be incredibly true. I met my husband
10 months after the song came out. I remember calling my mom to tell her I had met HIM.
“Okay, if you took every quality I’ve ever liked from every guy I’ve ever
liked, rolled it all into one person and maximized it by 10, you’d have Jake.”
The following October, when Jake and I had been dating for a
month and a half, my dad had come for his annual visit when the song came on the
same mix CD I had originally made the year before. We were in mid-conversation,
but we both stopped and listened to it. I looked over at my dad after it
finished and grinned. “See?” my dad said as he blinked back tears, “I told you.”
Yes, Dad, you were right…as usual.
I thought about those moments as I got ready for work. Just
after the song finished, my husband came into the bathroom, said good morning,
and kissed me on the forehead.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I grinned.
“Oh…nothing. I just love you.”
