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| Isn't he cute?! I really like him... |
It’s hard to believe it, but Jake and I just celebrated our
4th wedding anniversary. In some ways, I’m so used to our marital life that
it’s hard to imagine life before. However, our actual wedding day feels like it
was just seconds ago.
On our first anniversary, Jake began a tradition that we’ve
carried on every year, and now it’s something that I almost yearn for and crave
by the moment it comes. Each year, we’ve gone out to dinner at a nice
restaurant, but my favorite part is the conversation we have. We talk about the
year we’ve just had and we talk about what we’re grateful for; what went well,
and what needs a little bit of tweaking for the year that’s coming up.
We actually have these conversations all the time as far as
talking about what’s going well and what could use a little TLC in our
relationship, but the conversation we have on
our anniversary is my favorite of the year. I suppose it’s because each year
has had its own progress and beauty with it, and I have felt so grateful for
how far we’ve come.
As we close out year four and think about year five that
we’re already a week into, there’s something that I thought was important to
write on: marital comfort. I’ve written on this topic before, but not quite in
this fashion. I know I’ve written on the conversations I had with my mom when I
was younger about how important it is to marry the right person which is
ultimately someone you can be yourself with, but here’s something I wasn’t
expecting. Your comfort level with your spouse grows each year. Or, at least,
mine has.
When I think about our first year of marriage, I was still
having trouble with new married life. This isn’t to say I didn’t like it then
or that I have it down perfect now. It’s grown each year. Something I have
realized is that you really can’t judge exactly
how married life is going to go by the end of year one. There is always room
for more progress and more love. I’ve talked about love growing more and more
each day – sometimes, even each moment. But what I’ve found more than anything
else is that my actual comfort level with Jake has grown so much. I’m pretty
sure that if you asked me what I was most comfortable with at the end of year
one – my pre-marital life with my parents or my marital life with my husband –
I probably would have answered pre-marital life.
That’s not to say I didn’t love my husband or our life
together. I did. I just felt like I was still figuring things out. I suppose
it’s sort of like buying a pair of shoes. You go shopping and you find that
perfect pair of shoes. They’re the perfect color and shape and they fit you
like a glove. As you walk around the store ensuring they’re going to be
comfortable on your feet, your mind wanders to your closet and all the cute
outfits you could pair with them and the shoes become even more unbelievably
perfect. You happily make your purchase, bring them home, wear them for a day
at work, and you come home with a big blister. If you’re smart, you realize
it’s a new pair of shoes that you just need to break in – not take back. You
don’t love them any less, but after a day of wearing them, you’re a little
sore. Your feet don’t feel like their normal comfortable selves yet, but after
wearing the shoes a couple more times, your feet are happy little clams and the
blister becomes a faint memory.
Besides, even with the blister you felt like a million bucks and as an added
bonus, all you heard was how great your new shoes were.
I thought about far we’ve come as we were talking at dinner
this year. It made me really take stock of how I had come as a married woman,
but it also made me feel sad for marriages that don’t make it past the first
year or the marriages that aren’t supposed to happen in the first place. It
made me wonder how many of those marriages were supposed to end and how many
just needed a little TLC. But most of all, it made me feel even more grateful
for my marriage and the incredible man I get to spend it with.
Marriage is a two-way street and it takes two people to love
and care for it. I love that I married someone that this matters to. It matters
to him if I’m not happy, not acting like myself, or if I need a little extra
love. It matters to him if I’m happy – especially if it’s because of something
he’s done so that he can repeat it. It matters to him if I am not my best, and
it matters to him enough that he wants to help me get back up to my best if I’m
not at it. That goes the same way for me. It matters to me that my husband is
happy and joyful and acting like the wonderful man I know he is. The way we talk
to each other matters. The way we relate to one another and the way we treat
our home and our marriage matters. We matter. He matters. I matter. And because
of it, our marriage is always progressing.
I don’t mean to say we’re perfect. After all, our marriage
is only 4. It’s a little baby in preschool with a lot to learning to do.
There’s a lot that we haven’t had to experience yet – like a big move (we moved
from Boston to Houston, but it happened separately at the time!), buying a
house, or having kids. However, for where we are and where we’re headed, I’m
happy and excited and so is he, and that’s the best thing I could possibly ask
for.
Happy 4th Anniversary, Mr. Lowe. I love you!
Oh, if you’re curious as to where we’ve gone for our
anniversary dinners, see the list below.
1. Top of the Hub in
Boston, MA
2. Spindletop
in Houston, TX
3. Sorrento in
Houston, TX
4. Antica Osteria
in Houston, TX
